You never really realize how much you actually take for granted. In church today it all came clear to me.
Within the last two weeks I have lost everything. First I lost the home I lived in with my husband. Misunderstanding with money, no honesty and not asking your partner for help when needed. Obviously it makes a big difference in a marriage to be honest especially when it comes to money. I know that is the most common cause of divorces today. If you are honest about things then the other person could help out. It is a marriage and partnership. I them move in with my mother and father with my 14-year-old daughter. My husband moves in with my brother and his 11-year-old son. Our lease was cut a month early which really made a big difference. It hurt. The hope was to save money for a home in a month after our lease was up. We were going to live separate with the people I have mentioned.
Then I have my 6th major back surgery to remove my lower hardware that was put in with my 1st back surgery in 2008. The hope was to reduce or take away my lower back pain that I have been in for the last year.
My husband works nights and he drove me to the hospital with my daughter. When they took me back my daughter gave me a hug, kiss and said I love you. My husband just stood there. When I woke up my daughter was by my side. My husband said he had to work, which I understand. He could have at least called me to talk to me to show he cared. My 20-year-old son came up later that night after work and brought my daughter a cot, bought her dinner, gave her $10 in case she needed anything, brought me roses and a little stuffed monkey. Still no call from my husband to see how I was or to say hey I love you sorry I could not be there when you woke up.
The next day my father took my daughter to her soccer game which I could not. No call from her stepdad to check and make sure that she needed a ride. Plus he comes up to the hospital at 11am when my daughters soccer game was scheduled for with his youngest son that does not live with us. REALLY! Also he has nerve to ask me what the doctor said that happened in surgery. Wait wouldn’t the doctor call him to tell him what and how surgery went. I was on a pain pump and just looked at him and said I really don’t know why you are here. He said neither do I, then left and tweeted what a waste of time that was. Sorry I was a waste of time.
Later that day my doctor’s business partner came in and told me that my doctor could not remove all screws. The bone healed to well over the years. My heart was broken because I should have heard that from my husband, instead of him playing stupid with me. Later on at 11pm he decides to come to the hospital to talk shit to me and try to look good. For who? Not me, that’s for sure. I needed you a long time ago. Guess he wanted to look good for my family, which who cares.
Then I get to go home. My daughter takes care for me the best she can. I live off of chicken broth and water and sleep all day off of all the drugs they have me on. I am not supposed to drive for 4 weeks. My husband helps for 2 days, then I have to drive to take my daughter to school and pick her up…no choice. Her school is 15 minutes away. Living in the home with my mother and father no one ask me if I ever needed anything. I have 20 staples in my lower back now. Common sense, I need help. I shouldn’t have to ask. I mean any nice person would help anyone that needed help.
I help my brother find daycare for his son that’s 2 to help out my mom that has been in the hospital off and on for heart failure. You know, being nice and trying to help out people I love before they kill themselves by overworking their body. That is why she was in the hospital in the 1st place from taking care of 3 little kids under 8 everyday with no help. Thats stressful for anyone. So my nephew cried off and on for 1 day and my mom flips out that he was there anyway. All 3 of my children were in daycare and yes they cried, they had to get use to it. They actually learned a lot from it. I never had help from my parents when my children were little. To this day they don’t ever call to see how they are doing. My oldest girl is 21, then my son 20, then my last girl 14. My mom falls asleep watching my 2-year-old nephew and stops breathing. If you ask me that is not safe at all and really dangerous. I would never leave my child with her or anyone in that condition.
When I asked my mom why she would talk crap about me to my brother she flips out on me. Says I stress her out just because I asked her why I needed to ask her to help me take my daughter to and from school. My brother never ask her for anything. She even makes and takes him dinner. WOW! So she told me that my daughter and I could go live on the streets. She doesn’t love me and I’m childish and stress her out. All because I ask for help. My father called me childish and I need to grow up. But when that woman is in the hospital I am expected to do everything for everyone. Well, not anymore. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.
So today in church I learned that I need to learn from what I am going through. I do believe everything happens for a reason. With God anything is possible. I believe in that. He is the main thing that I need in my life right now.
Being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Postlaminectomy Syndrome, Myalgia and Myosotis, Chronic Pain Syndrome, Occipital Neuralgia, Peripheral Neuropathy, Anxiety, Depression, Sleep Disorder, Wilson’s Disease, Soft Tissue Disorder, Degenerative Disk Disease, and Vitamin D Deficiency. People never understand how much you really deal with…with a smile on your face to hide the true pain. You think my family and most of all my husband would understand me and my pain. But no!
So in 2 weeks I lost my mother, father, brother, husband, home, trust, my surgery success and most of all my dreams. Do not take anything for granted. Not even the small things. Be grateful for every little thing. In a blink of an eye it can and will be gone.