You Have Me

It’s been a while but I’m back.

Today’s topic:
If your sensitive to any of the following please stop reading.
Teen Suicides, Attempted Suicides, Depression, Anxieties, Self Harming, Abuse, Bullying…I could go on and on.

This is a serious (and has been) for years, issue. Why do we/our children, teens, even adults think they have no where to turn or talk to? I did. I couldn’t even tell my family, friend’s or even my husband. No one had any idea what I was going through, what demons I was fighting or what I was doing to myself.

Yes it’s hard to talk about issues. Maybe even scary. I believe no issue is to small/big to talk about. If there are ANY teen’s, adult’s in our communities that feel they have nowhere to turn or no one to talk to, PLEASE DON’T. You do. Hell I’ve always had my door open, I know you don’t know me, but sometimes that is the best people to talk to when you think you have no one. No judgement, I just want you to know you have somewhere and someone to talk to.

I have personally been through hell and back since I was born. I think I’ve been through everything possible that a person can go through…but I’m here today…a survivor, a strong woman, wife, sister, mother, auntie, friend and even a grandmother. I just want to reach out to our community and the world about one serious issue we have in America today that no one likes to talk about. I get it. Its hard. I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE! I need to. If I can save 1 person I know I’m doing something good in this big crazy world we live in.

God bless you all and lets pull together as a community and keep our community safe.

I AM NOT OK!!!!!!!!

No one ever realizes how much stress that teenagers have today:

Social Media – its everywhere-anyone can damage you…Forever.

Friends – turn their back on you when you need them the most, I know, you say that will NEVER happen to me, but it always does. Trust me.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend– he/she says they love you, but they really don’t, how can they when they don’t even know their self?

School–  deadlines, homework, sports, popularity, bullies, teachers, credits, friend, gotta get it all done NOW, NOW,NOW!!!!

 I myself have a few teenagers in my home. Its not easy with all the emotions. Plus as a parent they say we don’t understand. However, everything my teenagers are going threw I have been through, some situations even worse, but what do I know I’m just a parent, but I was once a teen to. I give the best advice I can and I am always there to comfort them no matter what. We are in this together. Some people just say “Oh they are just being teens don’t both.” That’s wrong!!!!!!!!!! They are human beings with REAL emotions and feelings and most importantly REAL problems.

 I hate hearing parents say – I never saw this coming, there were no signs, SERIOUSLY!!!!!! Had you been involved in you teens life rather they want you to or not then things could be different. I know we all work, I get it. We do not talk anymore, everyone is always on a device of some sort. Next time you are out to dinner take a look around the restaurant you will be amazed. Its so sad.

 My teens may not like me ALL UP IN THEIR BUSINESS, but I know what is going on with them. I’m on all of their social media, just in case. No I don’t ever look on there, well maybe once in a while to see if everything is going OK. I’m not that parent. My kids do have privacy. Sometimes my husband says the same thing, but when something is going on, he is happy I know, and I can try to help the situation or at least know whats wrong, when he says “What’s their problem?”

 Just know that as Adults we know we have Adult problems, but NEVER forget that our children/teens also have problems. When our children/teens are quite and want to be left alone PLEASE notice that is a cry out for help. I have seen to much personal things happen that could have been prevented only if someone had listened to me.

 Here is an idea, just have dinner, WITH NO DEVICES, as a family and talk, you know like people use to…it might save a life. You never know.  If not our children then maybe someone else. Our children crave our attention. Just give it to them.

Much Love,                                                                                                                                             Em

                                              Image result for How to make a teen suicide sign

Taking Life for Granted

You never really realize how much you actually take for granted. In church today it all came clear to me.

Within the last two weeks I have lost everything. First I lost the home I lived in with my husband. Misunderstanding with money, no honesty and not asking your partner for help when needed. Obviously it makes a big difference in a marriage to be honest especially when it comes to money. I know that is the most common cause of divorces today. If you are honest about things then the other person could help out. It is a marriage and partnership. I them move in with my mother and father with my 14-year-old daughter. My husband moves in with my brother and his 11-year-old son. Our lease was cut a month early which really made a big difference. It hurt. The hope was to save money for a home in a month after our lease was up. We were going to live separate with the people I have mentioned.

Then I have my 6th major back surgery to remove my lower hardware that was put in with my 1st back surgery in 2008. The hope was to reduce or take away my lower back pain that I have been in for the last year. 

My husband works nights and he drove me to the hospital with my daughter. When they took me back my daughter gave me a hug, kiss and said I love you. My husband just stood there. When I woke up my daughter was by my side. My husband said he had to work, which I understand. He could have at least called me to talk to me to show he cared. My 20-year-old son came up later that night after work and brought my daughter a cot, bought her dinner, gave her $10 in case she needed anything, brought me roses and a little stuffed monkey. Still no call from my husband to see how I was or to say hey I love you sorry I could not be there when you woke up. 

The next day my father took my daughter to her soccer game which I could not. No call from her stepdad to check and make sure that she needed a ride. Plus he comes up to the hospital at 11am when my daughters soccer game was scheduled for with his youngest son that does not live with us. REALLY! Also he has nerve to ask me what the doctor said that happened in surgery. Wait wouldn’t the doctor call him to tell him what and how surgery went. I was on a pain pump and just looked at him and said I really don’t know why you are here. He said neither do I, then left and tweeted what a waste of time that was. Sorry I was a waste of time.

Later that day my doctor’s business partner came in and told me that my doctor could not remove all screws. The bone healed to well over the years. My heart was broken because I should have heard that from my husband, instead of him playing stupid with me. Later on at 11pm he decides to come to the hospital to talk shit to me and try to look good. For who? Not me, that’s for sure. I needed you a long time ago. Guess he wanted to look good for my family, which who cares. 

Then I get to go home. My daughter takes care for me the best she can. I live off of chicken broth and water and sleep all day off of all the drugs they have me on. I am not supposed to drive for 4 weeks. My husband helps for 2 days, then I have to drive to take my daughter to school and pick her up…no choice. Her school is 15 minutes away. Living in the home with my mother and father no one ask me if I ever needed anything. I have 20 staples in my lower back now.  Common sense, I need help. I shouldn’t have to ask. I mean any nice person would help anyone that needed help. 

I help my brother find daycare for his son that’s 2 to help out my mom that has been in the hospital off and on for heart failure. You know, being nice and trying to help out people I love before they kill themselves by overworking their body. That is why she was in the hospital in the 1st place from taking care of 3 little kids under 8 everyday with no help. Thats stressful for anyone. So my nephew cried off and on for 1 day and my mom flips out that he was there anyway. All 3 of my children were in daycare and yes they cried, they had to get use to it. They actually learned a lot from it. I never had help from my parents when my children were little. To this day they don’t ever call to see how they are doing. My oldest girl is 21, then my son 20, then my last girl 14. My mom falls asleep watching my 2-year-old nephew and stops breathing. If you ask me that is not safe at all and really dangerous. I would never leave my child with her or anyone in that condition. 

When I asked my mom why she would talk crap about me to my brother she flips out on me. Says I stress her out just because I asked her why I needed to ask her to help me take my daughter to and from school. My brother never ask her for anything. She even makes and takes him dinner. WOW! So she told me that my daughter and I could go live on the streets. She doesn’t love me and I’m childish and stress her out. All because I ask for help. My father called me childish and I need to grow up. But when that woman is in the hospital I am expected to do everything for everyone. Well, not anymore. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. 

So today in church I learned that I need to learn from what I am going through. I do believe everything happens for a reason. With God anything is possible. I believe in that. He is the main thing that I need in my life right now. 

Being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Postlaminectomy Syndrome, Myalgia and Myosotis, Chronic Pain Syndrome, Occipital Neuralgia, Peripheral Neuropathy, Anxiety, Depression, Sleep Disorder, Wilson’s Disease, Soft Tissue Disorder, Degenerative Disk Disease, and Vitamin D Deficiency. People never understand how much you really deal with…with a smile on your face to hide the true pain.  You think my family and most of all my husband would understand me and my pain. But no! 

So in 2 weeks I lost my mother, father, brother, husband, home, trust, my surgery success and most of all my dreams. Do not take anything for granted. Not even the small things. Be grateful for every little thing. In a blink of an eye it can and will be gone.

Your Worth It

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who do love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are and whose we are. You are special don’t ever forget it! You may never know the lives you touch, the hurting hearts you speak to, or the hope your kind words can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems.

Remember amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic.

If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.


American Schools Today

It never seems to amaze me when I look at my Yahoo news what I will find.

      Today, I log on to my computer, go on the internet, up comes my yahoo home page. There it is an image of a little boy getting a haircut. Then I see the title, “Kindergarten Boy Suspended for His ‘Distracting’ Mohawk.” Are you kidding me. HE IS IN KINDERGARTEN PEOPLE! We are suppose to be the land of the free. What is next, little black girls can’t go to school with braids. Will the schools just suspend everyone for their hair. This little boy, Ethan, 5 years old of Springfield, Ohio, just wanted a cool haircut. Just like any little boy I have ever known or raised has done. Of course the other kiddo’s thought it was cool and was touching it. It was new and by tomorrow it would have been old news. They are 5. This just blows my mind completely. The school Reid Primary and Middle School should be proud to hurt a little boys feelings like this. There are bigger things to worry about besides a haircut. So now he is suspended until he, the 5 year, can adopt a tamer haircut. REALLY!

    Another one I remember reading a little while back about a girl, Rylee, 15 years old of Utah. Also, may I add she is an honors student. She was suspended for coloring her brown hair auburn, (just a little darker red). She had been dyeing her hair the same shade every six weeks since September, it wasn’t until Febuary that the school took issue with the color. On Feb. 4th, Hurricane Middle School vice principal Jan Goodwin spotted Rylee in the halls and ordered her into the office. She had just had her hair touched up two days earlier. The school district states that “Hair, including beards, mustaches and sideburns, should be groomed so that it is neat and clean. Hair color must be a naturally occurring color; i.e. red, brown, black, blonde.” Goodwin felt that Rylee’s auburn-hued hair didn’t look natural enough. So she was suspended until she fixed her hair as well.

I went though the same thing with my 14 year old daughter. To me it does not matter what your hair looks like as long as you are there to LEARN. Most of time it is a judgement call for the administration anyway. Our schools and country is becoming more and more socialize its not funny. It feels like the schools are ran by a bunch of Nazi’s. I thought Hitler was dead. The schools really needs to focus on things that matter, like drug use, sex, and peer bullying and stop those…. I’m pretty sure the long term effects of being a drug user or a teen mom are a lot worse than putting some color in one’s hair. We really need to pick our battles. Be happy that kids are going to school to get a darn education. There are some things that are not that serious and some things that are. Don’t we want our children to be unique and express themselves. We are individuals. We are all not the same.


Children and Facebook

Found an old blog I wrote back on June 4, 2012

“Facebook may allow children under 13”

Facebook is developing technology to allow  children to use the social-networking site with parental supervision. Facebook currently bans users under 13 years of age. But many kids lie about their age to set up Facebook accounts. The new technology would be a way for Facebook to formally accept kids under 13, and comply with a federal law that requires parental consent before collecting personal information from children.

I don’t know about you but I completely disagree with this whole idea. That is one more way for predators to find out what is going on with our children. Children do not know that everyone is watching and they trust too much. You never know who is behind the computer. My oldest daughter is now a Jr. in college. She is majoring in Criminal Justice and her minor is in Sociology. Recently, she decided to do an experiment to prove a point.

She has deactivated her Facebook and used mine without anyone knowing. She would request people who I didn’t know and even comment on people’s statuses. All under my name. It’s funny how many people think they are talking to me when in reality they were not. So with that being said, I will not allow that in my home even if it was ok and allowed by Facebook. I do have a lot of friends that their children of all ages have a Facebook. I just don’t see how parents are ok with it. There is an age limit for a reason.

My daughter is 13 and she is not allowed to have one. I will try my best to protect my child. All I need is a predator to contact her posing as a young boy. Next think you know we are on the news saying, I don’t know how this happened. Or I never saw this coming she is a good kid. It only takes once and you will never forgive yourself as a parent. Think about it parents.


Some times though out my life…well a lot of times…I feel like no matter what I do I can never be happy. I am so busy trying to please everyone and worry about what they will think of me, I forget about me. When I finally think, that’s it, I’m living my life the way I want to, BAM, someone always comes along and says, I don’t like this “new” you. Why we do this…I will never know. I guess a lot of the reason that I personally do this is because I had a horrible childhood, from birth, until I ended it at the age of 12. Well, so I thought I ended it. I continued my life trying to please everyone, everyone but me. I didn’t deserve the best out of life, at least that’s what I thought. I am on my 3rd marriage and still not putting me first or loving me first. It’s always about them. Well, I need to break these ridiculous cycles in my life now before its to late. It’s so sad to start to live your life at almost 40. Look at all the precious time that has passed.

I was just thinking the other day that I want my three children to say, our Mom lived life to the fullest with no regrets. She was happy and loved herself. Wow, now that would be a great end…to the end. A lot of times we look at life like, we don’t have a choice, but in reality we do. We just choose not to take that choice. So then we continue to live the rest of our life miserable and make the lives of others miserable around us. Just because we’re not happy doesn’t mean we have to make others unhappy as well. Just like the song by Michael Jackson, Man in the Mirror. Its time to make a change, for once in your life, it starts with the man in the mirror. We have known this all along but fail to live by what is right. Right to ourselves. Do we love to be unhappy and sad all the time? It’s amazing what we do to ourselves. Then, oh yeah, have the nerve to complain about it. Why can’t we all just be happy and love ourselves. I think that’s what it all comes down to. Loving ourselves first.